lost in the brightness
by patriciaselina
Summary: "-you are going to stay with me the entire evening, old man. If you do as much as to stay away from me by even one meter, I am going to 'princess carry' you the whole night." Tiger Bunny, a series of five interconnected drabbles.


**Title**:_ lost in the brightness_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Wild Tiger/Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, Barnaby Brooks Jr.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG13 to be safe.  
><strong>Genre<strong>: Introspective Angst, or maybe Gen.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: Blitz fic, inaccuracies, loopholes, spelling, grammar, spoilers, too much narration, the usual; this being my first (sort-of real) full-sized fic for the T&B fandom.  
><strong>Summary<strong>: An offered lunch, an accepted promise, a doomed battle, a returned memory, and a partnership spanning eternity.

* * *

><p><em>In your sky, flowing carefree and nostalgic<br>If this is happiness, we don't notice it. This is how we live._

Same superhero unit, same company, same office space. Whether they liked it or not, Wild Tiger's and Barnaby Brooks, Jr's desks are next to each other, and there is nothing that they could do about the matter. Apollon Media's Hero Division does not change seating arrangements just because paper airplanes crossing the so-called "Bunny Channel" get stuck into impossible blond curls, or because certain mayonnaise bottles now smell like they're filled to the brim with glue. All because, as their manager would say, they were now proper adults and had no right to be acting like high schoolers in the first place.

Barnaby had put on his shiniest, fakest smile; Kotetsu had harrumphed and turned the other way, straightening the edges of another one of his paper airplanes.

The next day, Kotetsu had run out of scratch paper for his airplanes and actually had to do paperwork for a change. And instead of hearing a voice beside him gloating over how irresponsible the old man was getting, the voice and its owner were still strangely missing.

Weird, Kotetsu always thought that he was the late one.

After exactly two hours – interesting, he's extremely precise with his details even when he's late – the door opens and the seat beside him is occupied by a green-eyed golden-haired mess. (Which was also weird, since "Barnaby" and "mess" were two words that were definitely not meant to coexist in a single sentence.)

"Someone's a cranky little rabbit today," The older brunet smirks, throwing the other man his haughtiest look. This is something Barnaby doesn't notice; he is too busy groaning into his computer screen to spare Kotetsu a pointed glare. "Care to share any details."

"None. Of. Your. _Business_." The way he spits out every word, the method he uses to palpably dispel his trademark "shut up" aura deep down into each and every one of Kotetsu's bones, has not changed. But something else definitely has – his curls are not in their usual tastefully mussed state, his eyes are blank and bleak and definitely red-rimmed, his face is paler and in a few seconds Kotetsu is pretty sure he is going to hear a stomach grumbling.

Sighing, Kotetsu peels away a green _furoshiki _studded with black polka dots from an uncertain rectangular box. Today's lunch was supposed to be a special treat for him, since he finally found a way to expand on his plain fried rice. But since this morning's burger was still doing a considerably good job of filling up his insides, he decided to put it to better use.

Nudging the lunch box to the other side of the desk, he raps on the thin partition of plastic separating their books from each other, in hopes of a response. When he receives another grunt and another blank glare, Kotetsu speaks; his tone light and friendly as always.

"Hey, Bunny. Stop rapidly typing randomness and have some food – technology can't fill an empty stomach, y'know."

"Firstly, my name is not Bunny; secondly, stop meddling again." The blond shakes his head, slowly falling back into the semi-familiar routine. On one hand, the old man was getting annoying; on the other hand, the smell of the lunch box beside him wasn't particularly disgusting. "I can manage just fine, thank you."

"Bunny, you are eating one bite of this, or I am going to shove this down your throat, Hundred Power be damned."

"Oh, fine, fine, no need to be so dramatic." Barnaby closes his eyes, willing his composure not to break. This has to be the first time he had actually agreed with the old man about something out loud.

"Help yourself, then!" With that, Kotetsu smiles, and turns away; humming some nameless tune as he returns to his forgotten paperwork.

When he does so, however, he never sees Barnaby's eyes looking at him over the rims of his glasses when he takes the first bite, and the smile that results from it. 

* * *

><p><em>It's as if, just like when people come to resolutely embrace love.<br>We don't say it out loud but we can hear it in our hearts._

When Kotetsu sees Barnaby being brutally manhandled, mocked on citywide television by the same man who tormented his childhood, he knows he has to do something. Not just because he is Wild Tiger, other half of the superhero tag team. But because he was the person who practically annoyed Barnaby into believing him, and didn't grant him the same trust the blond begrudgingly did to him.

So he goes and does something. Uses his powers to heal the injuries, making his outward appearance normal so nobody worries about him. Goes to Saito and asks for the double-purpose grenade. There is still the off-chance that Barnaby won't believe in him, but he decides to disregard it.

Kotetsu sees the red suit wavering on the roof. He sees the shoulders struggling not to cave in to the other man's body. He is pretty sure that the man in the bunny-eared suit is crying.

And that is more important to Kotetsu, more than megalomaniac escaped convicts and citywide threats.

That is why when Kotetsu holds on to him, stopping the blond from stumbling into the roof, the first words he says are "All right there, Bunny?" because it's the same words he'd like to hear when he feels so broken and alone, as well.

(But nobody knows he feels this, because he always uses his powers to heal the injuries, making his outward appearance normal so nobody worries about him.)

It takes him quite a while (even in such a serious situation, Bunny's hardheadedness is somewhat cute~) but he gets his point across. Or at least some part of it. Too much innuendo would not get his plan past the censors, after all, and so he tries desperately not to think about it. But too little innuendo would lead to his idea not having any sense, and so he wishes that Barnaby would be feeling a little trustful today.

Thankfully for both of them, Barnaby rolled with the plan (despite bemoaning at the end on how unintentionally stupid the old man's explanation had been), which led to a megalomaniac crushed by his own savior, a city saved, and an obnoxiously happy old man.

"I cannot see the sense in you having to accompany me, Kotetsu-san."

"Mehh, come on Bunny! Admit it, you'd be bored halfway into death by now if you weren't with me~"

The aforementioned brunet is wearing a dark suit that, if Barnaby were to indulge his thoughts for a little while, makes him look rather more polished than usual. The only reminder that this – this somewhat effortlessly stylish – man is still Wild Tiger (other than the irrationally useful black mask) is the remarkably unclassy way he scarfs down a plate of those small cocktail sausages. The way Kotetsu's hand occasionally clutches his side, his face momentarily twisting into a pained grimace, is also particularly distracting.

"But you're still hurt." His voice is quieter, somehow, genuine worry laced in his tone. Kotetsu notices this; this side of his partner is new and makes him a rather cute little bunny rabbit indeed, but saying that would end up in his being flung over to the other side of Sternbild, internal injuries disregarded.

Kotetsu spears another one of the sausages with a fork, making a point to smile at his partner. "Nothing a little painkillers and Hundred Power can't fix, Bunny. Anyways-"

"No buts, Kotetsu-san." Barnaby's hands are on his hips now, somehow not creasing his perfectly pressed white, buttoned – why does he always have to have so much buttons? – suit. "Since you do not want to go to the hospital – which is stupid, even for you-"

"H-hey! Who's stupid?"

"-you are going to stay with me the entire evening, old man. If you do as much as to stay away from me by even one meter, I am going to 'princess carry' you the whole night."

This time, it is Kotetsu's time to harrumph, and fall into step behind the smug young thing nursing a wine glass and a strangely, airily happy expression. This is new, the older man thinks, but he thinks he can get used to it. 

* * *

><p><em>Of course, anyone can just say they're someone's hero<br>There's someone I want to protect with the same pure feeling I had in childhood._

The only thought fresh in Barnaby's mind when he and Kotetsu face that - that inhuman imposter - is, "_not this time, you can't take him_."

Barnaby's already lost Kotetsu once, and he's sure as hell that it'll break him if he loses him again.

He's gone a long way from the period of indifference when he denies the older man's presence in his life. It's natural to him now, these little involuntary urges - the urge to push Kotetsu away when he sees the blast, to call out his name when that blasted android has the nerve to trample on the other man. Barnaby watches over him and protects him, sort of like what Kotetsu has always been doing for him.

There was not much that Barnaby can remember that allow him to draw parallels from his past to his present. Before Kotetsu, the most he could remember was feeling so utterly secure under a blond woman's embrace and a brunet man's gaze. He remembers wanting to grow up and protect his parents like they did him.

Of course, that moment never came.

His heart had been broken too much too soon, and so it is no wonder that a certain Barnaby Brooks, Jr had no idea just what it meant to consider someone precious and inseparable to his existence. He had no idea what to do, what to say, or how to proceed - the most he can do is attempt to shield Kotetsu from these superficial, physical blows, because he does not know how to heal the deeper gashes engraved onto the older man's heart.

"Now, Bunny!"

In front of him are two suits. Two suits with the same design and minimal differences. But the difference is that one is cold and emotionless, and the other has a heart so big you could probably fit the whole of Sternbild inside it.

(He reminds himself that he almost forgot this. Remembers who made him forget. It makes his muscles twitch and his heart ache with the incredulity of it all.)

He doesn't blink, doesn't think, doesn't feel. His finger twitches and the gun fires - his mind only thinks that the black suited android disgusts him, and something that cold should not be anywhere near Kotetsu (who is so warm, warm warm _warm_).

No mortal could understand the feeling, then, of when he sees Kotetsu grunting on the ground, ruined suit and burnt skin on display for all to see. An ordinary mortal cannot understand this feeling, cannot feel it, because this feeling is so strong it would kill a normal person.

"I guess it really is hard to dodge without my powers, hmm?"

The tone is light. Teasing. Normal Kotetsu - or would be normal, if his eyes weren't half-shut and his voice wasn't pained. Barnaby remembers all the times he doubted Kotetsu when he shouldn't, all the times the brunet threw some hints or another about his mysterious retirement plans.

He wills himself not to cry, even when his voice shakes and raises a couple octaves when he tells the older man that he's sorry.

Sorry just cannot cut it. Is there any way that a person can put into simple words the longing for eternity, the yearning for a smile, the breaking of an already-broken heart? Such simple, useless things he didn't pay any attention to before.

"And when you called me 'Kotetsu-san' for the first time...I was so happy I went out drinking by myself!"

Barnaby wills himself not to cry. His tear ducts have been worked to exhaustion many times before and he fears that his fragile self cannot survive another beating. Kotetsu cannot die. Barnaby doesn't just believe in this - he knows this.

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi cannot die because if he does, Barnaby Brooks, Jr. will die along with him.

He remembers the words he said on that one interview so long ago. I'm not doing this to be appreciated by someone; he smiles and tells the camera. But that's not true, now.

"I've been learning how to make fried rice," Barnaby tells the old man, his coworker, his partner, his emotional crutch, his one and only friend - as he finally gives up and the tears begin to fall. "You have to try it someday. You have to."

He holds him closer, feeling Kotetsu's slower heart beat against his own. Barnaby's heart sounds like thunder to his ears. How he hears the other man's voice over the commotion in his insides is beyond him.

"Your eyelashes are awfully long," Kotetsu mutters for some reason, and his own eyelashes flutter closed for what seems to be the last time.

Barnaby cries. 

* * *

><p><em>Leave your burdens to me; we each have our ways of holding up our smiles<br>So relax and go at your own pace. It's okay, trust me._

The day had started off normally - at least, it did for someone who lost all his reason to live. Eyes red and swollen from crying, limbs limp and lifeless, gaze blank and uncertain. But someone had come with water and a plate of steaming fried rice, held him when he cried and said everything would be all right.

That day, the streets were littered with faint trails of snow and Kotetsu smiled as he struggled with the pin on Barnaby's jacket. Barnaby had promised him memories, having all the time to make memories together.

He remembers how it stung when Kotetsu slapped him, and how hurt he had felt as he run away in a blue-tinted blur.

Barnaby remembers what happened after that, as well, even if he shouldn't. As strong as Maverick's NEXT may be, it fell apart with a silly nickname and an earnest plea.

He remembers that smile that took his foster father forever to erase from his mind. He remembers the warmth in Kotetsu's voice when he welcomed him home. He remembers how it felt, finally fighting with - for Kotetsu and not against him.

And he remembers, most of all, the red beam that had stolen his companion, his good luck charm – his partner, always and forever his partner – and how he had been the one to pull the trigger.

Everything else that came after was a blur to him. More androids out of nowhere, Maverick smiling eerily down at them, a certain Kaede crying over the man Barnaby's gaze keeps returning to. His mind only registers this after being on the ground, pushed into the center with the other heroes, encircled by heartless H-01s that want them all dead. With his last look, he spares one last glance at the last man he wanted to make an effort for.

"Kotetsu-san…"

At that moment, the androids shut down – he doesn't know why, and he doesn't care either. But he joins the other heroes in following Maverick – the man who killed his parents and Aunt Samantha, who stole his memories, who took Kotetsu away, he reminds himself – into the other room. He can't trust himself to speak when the older man gloats, and thankfully he doesn't have to as Agnes has everything he said in simultaneous broadcast across the whole city.

But the other man has a golden gun, and Kaede – innocent little girl, probably the last thing left in the world that was, well, Kotetsu – on its other end. And as if in a dream, he sees the next scene in slow motion. Barnaby sees the Tiger, Kotetsu, emerging from the darkness and punching Maverick full across the face.

"I've come back from the depths of Hell!"

It was camp, ridiculously outdated and even Kotetsu knew that, but it didn't matter because for once, Barnaby didn't care. Kotetsu wasn't dead, and Barnaby wouldn't have to suffer. He would never have to weep to memories of a green sidecar and a beard crafted out of kittens. He would never have to worry about being all alone in the world, so long as the only person left who could make him smile still drew breath.

Because of that, in spite of everything, the blond couldn't help but wrap his arms around his partner in the mangled suit, enveloping himself in the warmth he had thought he would lose forever. 

* * *

><p><em>If you ever need me, I'll notice<br>So for today, please rest well. _

The first few nights after the hospital, and even the ones after that, he watches over him when he sleeps.

Barnaby doesn't come in the mornings, when countless tests are done to determine just how much damage a man with decreasing Hundred Power could have after receiving a fatally damaging blow. He does not come in the afternoons, when Kotetsu's time is filled with Antonio and Kaede (and Karina, for some flimsily-made reason or another). He visits at night not because he has anything better to do, or because he doesn't like visiting with the others, or because he is a weird person who likes watching old men sleep.

Well, there is still something to be said about the way he still seems so much happier in sleep; Kotetsu's features seem so much softer, somehow, and his hand is still so warm when Barnaby touches it -

Ah, where was he again? Right, dignity, dignity, dignity.

Against his intentions, however, it was just his luck that every time he visits, the older man always wakes up in the middle of the night. Their conversation is always the same:

"...Bunny-chan?"

The blond pulls away his hand, all of a sudden, as if electrocuted by Pao-Lin's spear.

"I'm here."

Kotetsu rubs at his eyes with his freed hand. "I can see that."

A few beats of awkward silence, in which the blond takes off his glasses and looks somewhere outside the window to hide his embarrassment, and the brunet stares at him and still does not comprehend why the other man does so.

"I keep telling you to go home, but you never do." Kotetsu's gaze is still fixed on the blond; Barnaby chooses not to notice it. "Why do you keep on coming, anyway?"

"Because you're my partner."

"Wrong answer, Bunny-chan!" Kotetsu shakes out his left hand, showing the communicator-free wrist. "Retired, remember? And so are you."

"I don't see why that changes anything." You'll always be my partner no matter what, Barnaby thinks but doesn't say. If he says that, it'll be totally against his image, and so sappy and uncool, but he knows he'll see a smile on Kotetsu's face that tells him it's worth the temporary bout of embarrassment. His heart makes another dull thump in his chest; he cannot comprehend why.

"I'll be here when you need me," the blond says instead, his hand a ghostly touch over the older man's eyelids, willing them to close.

"But I'll stay awake-" Kotetsu yawns like the feline he is codenamed after, and Barnaby can do nothing but sigh at the old man's hard-headedness. "-with you, Bunny. I mean, we never get to see each other these days..."

There is no way that the younger man could interpret what this feeling is, when Kotetsu calls him "Bunny" and holds his hand and smiles at Barnaby as if he was the person he was waiting for all his life. He does not know what this feeling is, but he feels it, and he is sure it transcends something as simple as happiness.

"...just sleep well now, Kotetsu-san."

These feelings and those memories will have to wait for later, he thinks. Eternity stretches in front of them, and they have all the time in the world. Together.

It's not as if Barnaby is going to let go of Kotetsu any time soon.

* * *

><p><em>fin.<em> 

* * *

><p><strong>NOTES:<strong> …okay, so, technically, I consider this to be my first T&B fic. (I-I never knew I could write 16 pages in one night…) The idea came to me after listening to The Duet too many times, and the lyrics…I knew I just had to write something about them. However, as you may see, the style and characterization is all over the place – there are original scenes, and introspective angsty thoughts about some of the final canon scenes, and such. With that in mind, you could call this yet another one of my interconnected series of drabblets.

The nonsensical title is inspired from "Deer in the Headlights" by Owl City, which I was listening to while I was writing this…well, this and The Duet, but I already have The Duet's lyrics in the fic itself, so I didn't want to title it from there.

"Bunny Channel" - the comparison here was to the "English Channel". I don't know what got into me when I wrote this.  
><em>furoshiki<em> - A Japanese wrapping cloth traditionally used to wrap gifts or bento boxes. Kotetsu being Japanese, I thought it'd be a good touch.  
>The cabbage roll recipe I drew inspiration from here is not said explicitly, but it's filled with rice, mushrooms, carrots and shrimp. (Mmm sounds delicious~)<p>

Hope it was somehow satisfying…and please do drop me a line! Reviews are loved, after all~


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